Click for update, 07/11/2006.
This afternoon I went to visit two of my homeless friends who are in the hospital.
Elijah* is in ICU. The fiery animation is gone from his face, his hands, his frame. He is fragile. Defenseless. Ethereal. He didn’t respond when I spoke to him and prayed for him. I left him alone, as I found him.
Dutch* seemed relieved to see me. His neck brace framed his smile. The car that hit him broke his bones, but his spirit endures. He’s thankful for the visitors he’s had, and for the kindness of the nurses, but he’s already wondering where he’ll go when it’s time to leave. “You know what I’m worried about,” he said to me. “Maintaining my lifestyle. I’m on my own.”
Tonight I’m at home, thinking, praying, listening to Rich Mullins. He lived what he believed, and he wrote what I feel:
“You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardened by the hurt
Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread
Did You forget about us after You had flown away
Well I memorized every word You said
Still I’m so scared I’m holding my breath
While You’re up there just playing hard to get
You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin
We have a love that’s not as patient as Yours was
Still we do love now and then
Did You ever know loneliness
Did You ever know need
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You were barely holding on
And Your friends fall asleep
And don’t see the blood that’s running in Your sweat
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You’re up there just playing hard to get?
And I know you bore our sorrows
And I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained
And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I figured this somehow
All I really need to know is if
You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can’t see what’s ahead
And we can not get free of what we’ve left behind
I’m reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt blame and regret
I can’t see how You’re leading me unless You’ve led me here
Where I’m lost enough to let myself be led
And so You’ve been here all along I guess
It’s just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get
– Rich Mullins, “Hard To Get,” The Jesus Demos
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Update, 07/11/2006:
Elijah: No real change in his condition. I don’t know if he realizes I’m there when I visit, but I hope so. I’ve learned more about what’s wrong with him and I’m trying to find out how it happened. I’ll share if and when I can. I still don’t know if he’s going to be OK.
Dutch: He’s doing a little better. I brought him word find books and crossword puzzles to pass the time. He doesn’t like to watch TV. A number of people are working together to find him a place to go when he’s discharged. It’s complicated. And still unsettled. What do people do when they don’t have an advocate? [pause] Actually, I already know the answer to that. [sigh]
Please continue to pray for these men, for their healing and for their futures. I’m continuing to learn about how the system works (or doesn’t) for homeless people. It makes me sad and tired. But systems are made of people and people can change, right? Oh well, one rock at a time…
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*At least for now, I’ve chosen not to use their real names. But God knows their names, so please pray for them. He’ll know.
