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What You Need To Hear About Crack Cocaine

Cardwell C. Nuckols, Ph.D. speaks to treatment providers about crack cocaine, crack addiction, and crack addicts. Nuckols gives a compelling and thought-provoking look through the perspective of the crack addict.

There are audio gaps in a few places (present in the original recording) and the recording ends a few moments before Nuckols’ talk did. Those flaws aside, this audio recording is an excellent resource for revealing truth about crack cocaine and crack addiction.

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36 Responses to "What You Need To Hear About Crack Cocaine"

Lili says:

July 11, 2008 at 10:03 pm

It is sad to know why the addicted person can’t stop this cycle.
It can really make the family feel hopless for their addict. The man explained it well, but for someone who is not an addict like myself, it’s frustrating that someone who had everything going for them, (like my ex did)decided to put a pipe on their mouth at one point. This guy grew up in a decent christian home and his older sybilings did not take that road. He did and now he is paying for the consequenses of his acctions.
I can undertand more clearly why the addict gets stuck in this evil cycle, because they can escape from reality when high, at least for 5 to 7 minutes. Then when they are coming down, their body starts wanting more of it and it becomes a terrible cycle.
We can’t do nothing about it, the addict has to decide wether he wants to change or not….For their own sake.
This recording can make us understand the addict, but what we don’t understand is why they thought that crack was going to be a solution in the first place????
Just looking at all the hopless, homless would make me not want to ever try that!
We have to learn from others mistakes, not do them as well.
Yes, maybe the “high” is unexplanable, so what!

We first have to investigate before taking a step! For example, “where is this drug going to lead me too?” Can I easily become addicted to crack?” “Do crack heads have jobs?” “Can crack heads keep a job?” Is it worth it, even thinking about putting a pipe in my mouth just to see how it feels?
“What about if I do end up like in it?”
Many questions need to be asked before someone contenplates the thought of putting a pipe near their mouth or nose!

It’s something to think about. It’s not like buying chocolate Hershey’s.
This has to do with your life and your FUTURE!
I undesrtand the addicts craving, but not why they started using in the first place.
I don’t agree with people self medicating themselves, especially if you all ready know the outcome.
I think people should do research before taking anything!
Debuse Desaulniers says:

October 6, 2008 at 9:31 pm

I spent my life savings on crack in less than 1 year, and I am depressed day after day because the money is gone. And I still smoke!!!!!!!!!!!! I need some serious help. I drink and that’s when I HAVE to have crack. Please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I turned my boyfriend on to all of it and he doesn’t care at all.
Denise Desaulniers says:

October 6, 2008 at 9:33 pm

How can I get off of this??
Mad says:

October 7, 2008 at 11:54 pm

All of this makes me sad!!!
Amber says:

October 14, 2008 at 7:52 am

I used crack for 4 years. I used it almost everyday. I was going through about $300.00 a day. I wanted to quit using it after the first year, but didn’t know how. I did manage to get off of it once for about 6 weeks, but one day I was having a very strong craving for it, and guess who popped by house? Yup, one of my dealers. They just happened to have some with them. I took that as a sign that it was ok to do it again.(I guess that was my way of justifing it.) I was hooked again. I remember crying while using it somedays. Swearing up and down that it would be the last time. Two years into my drug use my daughter passed away (nothing to do with my drug use, she died in a freak accident while with a family member). She was 4 years old. I had planned to quit that day, befor she passed away, but it didn’t happen, I just went through the motions, feeling so much pain from losing her and just wanting to escape the pain. I continued to use it for another two years before I finally got off of it. I never went to any treatment center, never got caught by the law. I was getting high one evening, and toward the end of the spoon I realized that I was killing myself. I wanted to be there for my other two children. I didn’t want them to find their mother dead some day with the pipe. I know this part will sound crazy if you haven’t been there, but I talked to the crack pipe. I cursed it, and told it that I was done, no more. I was not going to con family out of their money so that I could buy more, I was not going to pawn or sell one more thing. I lay there on my bedroom floor crying and praying to God for help. He gave it to me, because somehow I found the strength to throw away what was left in the spoon and to throw away the pipe. I am going on being clean for 4 years now (on Dec 12, 2008 it will be 4 years). It wasn’t easy, but I did it. When I got a craving for it I found something else to do. Sometimes I thought I was going crazy without it. I smoked up to 3 packs of cigarettes a day for a while. I talked a local hotline several times. They were my support system. I still kick myself for the things I did when I needed money to get high, but I feel that it opened my eyes to a whole new world. Quitting made me feel like a stronger person, like I can handle anything now. I am only posting this comment to let you know that there is hope, even if you see it.
Melita Bates says:

November 1, 2008 at 4:56 pm

I am the wife of a crack head. I didn’t know it when I married him. I am 52 years old and he was my 9th and 10th grade crush. We never dated and when he came along 2 years ago I just knew this was it. We were married in 3 weeks and 1 day. I immediately noticed things like he wouldn’t sleep and just down right crazy stuff. It has been 2 years and dozens of promises later and we separated the day before our 2 year anniversary. I have no real foundation with this man except a 9th and 10th grade crush that is sweet and innocent. This has been a horrible roller coaster ride and I have nothing left. I want him to get help not to get me back but I feel his life depends on it. I hope the best for him but I can not be the one that fixes this. I almost didn’t survive this thing. I ask myself over and over what did I do wrong. Why could I be enough. He needs help and support. As far as I know he is on day 14-28 hopefully can’t be sure because he doesn’t live here. Have been through that day over and over in the last two years and only hope he will go past it. Other family members have fessed up to him having drug problems since his teens that attributed to 3 other fail marriages and who knows how many relationships. I guess my comment is I respect all those who have gotten off and stayed off. Not to save a relationship necessarily but to save themselves. Life is too short and precious to go UP IN SMOKE!!!!!!.
Also it has been a constant clean and discovery process the last month with the discovery or so many pipes and pieces of pipes, empty coke baggies and this brassy steel wool stuff. Yesterday was a spoon and hyperdermic needle. This all makes my head spin because none of this took place during the time I was either awake or at home. This has been like nightmare on Elm Street. The only way to stop and end it is to have the Crack Addict leave. I am sorry for all of you who chose and now fight this every day but my heart also goes out to the people who love you. Who will never ever be the same. If you haven’t quit please quit before the calsulties increase. We don’t want to be here either. Please please hang in there and fight because the other side is sooooooo sooooo sooooo tired.
Katie Hines says:

November 10, 2008 at 4:26 pm

I cannot keep seeing my boyfriend do this …I feel like its killing me so much worse than it is him … I need a definite answer how to help him… he promises to stop EVERYDAY but he cant i feel so bad for him that drug has taken over his life and he has no control anymroe..please please help me..or help him someone !
billie says:

November 19, 2008 at 3:12 pm

I to have a druggy boyfriend of 16 yrs, he went to prison for 6 yrs been home 3yrs and is again a full blown crack head, i get told every reasons in the world why and its all lies , i know a major part of him loves the high , i dnt think he will every change ,he goes to crack houses its so like nwe jack city , if does not have any input in our realationship what so ever… nothing in life is easy so why would be getting crack be …im hurting so bad but he wont leave and when hes home its like walking on egg shells i wishes i could run off i have a mortatge and a daughter ..i cry all the time i go looking for him and he blames me .. crack kills people in more ways than one
billie says:

November 19, 2008 at 3:22 pm

to every one in a relationshi with a drug user , that is not the person you fell in love with , its a shell of them and now you have a person who wants only there fix , they will say and do what ever it is to get it,.its so sad but very true ..until they are ready or maybe never they have to do it for themselfs, the high is so high that nothing will do , food , sex , love , that dose not matter any one .. just the killer crack . god bless you all
Amber says:

December 21, 2008 at 8:57 pm

I’m 19 and both of my parents are addicted to crack i want them to get help not for me but for themselves and my one and three year old siblings. I get so mad sometimes and threaten to leave that works to keep them home for a couple of days and they say that they’ll stop but i know they’re lying i honestly don’t know why i stay here sometimes we don’t have much to eat and no one works so there is no money the utilities are always on the verge of being turned off i know they want to stop but are afraid of the come down what should i do
El says:

June 9, 2009 at 12:58 pm

I am 43 and dealing with someone who is currently back in prison on a parole violation for using crack. He originally went to prison for 6 years for robbery. We met in August of 08 and he went back in December 08. I have been a very supportive girlfriend while he has been incarcerated and even before that. In the 4 months that we were together he did 4 MIA’s meaning he would not answer my phone calls and I had no knowledge of where he was. I would hear from him the next day. He would constantly ask for 5 to 10 dollars every few days, saying that he needed gas to go and look for a job. We had plans to get married but I realize now that I can not proceed with even being involved with him. I feel so stupid thinking that he would quit using the drug if it meant I would leave him. He has not to this day even fully admitted to using the drug consistently. I have heard many stories from friends, relatives, and even his ex wife. I don’t understand why I am still trying to hold on to him when I know he has a problem. Even while now being incarcerated he is thinking of ways to get the drug in there to sell. Which I believe he will also be using the drug. I have recently started not answering his prison calls but I can’t even deny that I love him so much but I know that I need to protect myself and my son.
Cara Michele says:

June 9, 2009 at 1:29 pm

El, I understand. You don’t stop loving someone just because they have an addiction. But you do have to make decisions about what’s best for you and your son. I encourage you to find and attend a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting in your community. The principles are the same, so if there’s not a Nar-Anon meeting near you, go to an Al-Anon meeting. They are fellowship groups for people whose lives are affected by someone else’s addiction. “Find solutions that lead to serenity.”

» Al-Anon web site
» Nar-Anon web site
August 24, 2009 says:

August 24, 2009 at 5:13 pm

My friend is in jail this day for substance abuse. He is illterate and i am afraid that he will not be able to cope. He need help and need it soon.
Betty Blondiau says:

October 11, 2009 at 10:15 am

Thats because drugs are now controlling your life. You have to go to rehab. you must attend daily meetings. I know my Daughter is a drug addict, yes she goes to meetings every day she is clean now for 9 months but who kows what tomorrow brigs. You can get off of this drug but it will not be easy.
Betty Blondiau says:

October 11, 2009 at 10:19 am

He has to be in rehab you cannot help him this is something only he can do. And also he will need to be in treatment for the rest of his life.
Betty Blondiau says:

October 11, 2009 at 10:23 am

Katie my neice tried to help her boyfreind and for 22 years she has lived a life that is just horrable get out while you can. Please just get out of this relationship. Move on with your life you cannot help someone who will not help themselves.
Cindy says:

October 13, 2009 at 11:25 pm

PLEASE HELP ME!!! CRACK COCAIN RUINED MY LIFE AND IM NOT EVEN THE ONE USEING IT. I FELL IN LOVE
W/ A CRACKHEAD. I CHANGEN MY ETIRE LIFE AROUND TO HELP HIM AND BE WITH HIM. I AM SO BROKEN. THIS WAS A GUY IVE KNOWN NEARLY MY WHOLE LIFE.
HE LEAD ME TO BELIEVE HE WANTED TO BE WITH ME AND I THOUGHT HE LOVED ME. ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS SINCE WE SPLIT AND THE PAIN OF BEING USED AND MANIPULATED HAS NOT GOTTEN ANY BETTER. ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE SICK AND TIRED OF MY CRYING EVERYDAY. I HAVE NO-ONE LEFT TO LISTEN TO ME. IM 39 AND THE MOTHER OF 3. I SHOULD NOT FEEL LIKE A HEARTBROKEN TEENAGER ANT THIS STAGE OF LIFE.
Monique says:

December 3, 2009 at 3:32 am

Amber I dont know if you visit this site anymore but from wherever you are in this world please know you’ve touched me â€“ Iâ€™m hugging you now.. First off, I am so utterly sorry for your loss. I cant imagine that pain and what that pain drove you to do. I am suffering from the same cursed affliction. I used to do crystal meth for 7 years and found the strenght to quit that â€“ after my best friend died in a car crash: she fell asleep at the wheel driving home from work (I suspect she may have been coming down after a 1 or 2 day binge). After 7 long months of agonizing detox – no treatment centers I too did it on my own with God, I felt like such a miserable failure to have stumbled upon this hatred dispicble drug. You see, I have always been big, fat, thick, call it what you want, morbidly obese. My first go round with meth I was pushing 350. A few great jobs later (no drug is worth your livlyhood â€“ learned that the extremely hard away â€“ like 2 stints in a mental hospital within a years time) I was 30lbs from my goal weight. Shedding almost 110+ lbs was no easy feat â€“ meth is a very time consuming sport. Cheap but it takes over your life consuming it. Any hoot â€“ after my friend passed on, I stopped. She made everyone in our â€œcircleâ€ swear theyâ€™d never sell or smoke with me. A promise still kept 3 Â½ years later to her even in death. After fruitless attempts at trying to score, I was introduced toâ€¦. God I cant even write it, let alone voice it aloud â€“ a co-worker had hyped up CRACK like THE very best thing. A sensual high, a wave of euphoria not like dropping Ecstasy or other drugs come close toâ€¦ the devils sales pitch. June 2008 I started and here it is Dec 2009 & I too am struggling with quiting. All the speeches to myself â€“ last time, never again, I promise you God im done â€“ and yet here I find myself high again. What started out as a 20- 40 habit smoking with the one who introduced me to it, like some type of drug advisor, led to 20 â€“ 40 on my own cause I always had to share with the â€œhouseâ€. She kept me safe, kept me from overdoing it, kept me from smoking on the streets until I couldnâ€™t afford her â€œhelpâ€ anymore. At my worst, I too was pushing a $300 habit. I have a little girl too â€“ a vision of beauty. I still donâ€™t understand how this perfect being, this gift from God came from such a wretched diseased mother. If her father only knew the shit Ive done. I consider myself a fantastic mother â€“ that is when Iâ€™m not cracked-out, jones-ing, looking for the next way to get some $ – an elaborate story to my family, pawning this or that â€“ thereâ€™s only so much lying you can do before all dirty deeds see the light of day. I too have never been caught by the law but I am fearful as well I will OD on the street with paraphanelia on my person in my home and then the whole sorted tale will be told and everyone will be able to put the pieces together. I am so sorry again for your lossâ€¦ a terrible price to pay. I am scared my debts will be called in by God shortly. I feel as if im on borrowed time. I donâ€™t live with my childs father â€“ a novel in and of itself there. I am a selfish, sneaky, manipulative, conniving child of God with an enormous demon on my back. Ive even contemplated killing myself to be free from this disease â€“ so more selfish thinking of an addict: who would take care of my child? Sometimes we need a death, to get caught by the law or family, to undergo the darkest of consequences we ourselves created with no one else to blame. I pray I outrun mine long enough to quit for good â€“ starting this drug I weighted 400lbs and have lost over 130lbs to date (and $10,000 in 1 years time on my habit). May all those who read this be blessed â€“ the help you need is out there in some form, God (always the best way), rehab, etcâ€¦. or even the words and story of a stranger. Donâ€™t let your demons control you â€“ God is waiting for you to ask for His help â€“ He is an on-time God: He always comes through. Thank you Amber for this therapy â€“ I think I just found the strength I needed
samantha says:

December 6, 2009 at 8:42 pm

I have had my sister and cousin and a friend die due to drug over dose and it was painful watching them change to someone else. And God saw them getting tired and they didnt want to do it anymore so he freed them. And i know that they are in heaven and at peace. I pray for all that are addicted to any substance that you get strong before it takes you. There is nothing in life that you cant over come.
Lynn says:

December 31, 2009 at 9:27 pm

I got involved with a CH nearly a year and a half ago and he has been in and out of rehab and jail. I stood by thinking it would give him strength and all it did is tear me down because it didnt work and when he relapsed it was my fault. I have been split up for a few months and at first I was doing fine but now he is calling again and says he is in a rehab and found God this time. It is a more extensive program that is for 90 days but he can stay for up to 7 months but of course he doesnt want to stay that long and wants to come back in my home after 90 days. I dont think that will happen he has lied, cheated, and stolen from me and my kids. I am going to go to councelling and found a website that helps. It may help you, crackreality.com has a lot of info and support. I am in my early 40′s and would never had even thought of going out with someone like this, but didnt know until after I fell in love with him. Now I have split up several times and each time I think it is for good and I just have a issue moving on and I am still sick over him and cry alot. I try to date but cant. It is crazy how a crack addict can effect your life so much. But, I guess we are just as addicted to them as they are to drugs and we have to find out why and I guess the crying spells are just our own way of having a relapse.
Cara Michele says:

December 31, 2009 at 11:17 pm

If you’ve known them clean and sober, then it’s especially hard to walk away, because you know the person they really are inside, and you keep hoping that clean and sober person will stay and the addict will disappear forever. It’s a helpless and hopeless feeling to love someone who keeps disappearing on you, only to be replaced by a stranger who doesn’t know you and only cares about a drug. I wish I had an answer. Some people I know have gotten clean and stayed clean. Others, including some closest to me, are still caught up in that endless cycle. I hate it. I hate addiction. I hate watching people I love drown, close to shore, surrounded by lifeguards. But it’s real.
lilibeth says:

March 26, 2010 at 12:49 pm

i would have liked to hear the rest of the recording. i think the man is very insightful and information on this drug, what to expect, weather there is any hope for an addict, is very difficult to find on the internet. there is SO little actual information about crack cocaine addicts in terms of solutions that actually are effective in helping them remain sober, what works, what doesnt, that it can be as frustrating as it is to understand the addict’s behavior and in making decisions that are actually benificial to all involved and not enabling.
thank you for posting this. if there is a way to find the rest of the recording, id be very interested in hearing it.
Cara Michele says:

March 26, 2010 at 1:08 pm

I made the audio recording from a video recorded by a friend who attended the talk. The video was poor quality and cut out in parts, so what I posted is all there is, unfortunately. There’s lots of research about crack addiction, and I hope to get more online about that soon.
Karen says:

September 10, 2010 at 10:56 am

I don’t consider my self stupid, just uneducated in the area of substance abuse. I changed my phone number a couple of days ago. (My husband and I live in different cities until I retire in a few months). I started reading about crack and other addictions. I felt sick to my stomach over what my husband is doing and how maddening the cycle is. I feel upset because he does anything for me and I’ve been saying to him if he COULD stop his drug use he would. Reading and learning that while he MAY be able to, it is no easy road as he says. I don’t want to judge him because it sounds as if it is so hard. I just cant be a part of it. I feel sick and sorry over it at the same time. Needless to say I am in financial ruin, he pays for nothing and I had been rescuing him. I’ve learned a few things: I didn’t cause it. I cant’t cure it. I can’t control it. Don’t rescue him from natrual consequences or bail him out of crisis or financial situations. Let go. … Our lives could have been so great. To him I would say…(but I won’t). I love you but I got to go. I have only this one life to live. You made your choice and I havee made mine. God WILL see me through.
Michele (CM) says:

September 10, 2010 at 10:59 am

Karen, I admire your strength.
Vickie says:

September 24, 2010 at 9:37 am

Imet my b/f thru a friend at work. we went on a blind date. I knew he had been clean off crack for 2 1/2 yrs. Everyone deserves a second chance. My husband had passed away from health problems. I was ready to start living again so I went out with him. We hit it off with so much in common ( I was never on drugs). This man had a heart of gold. He was from a very reliougous family. One of the best family’s you would ever want to be a part of. They told me that he has been the happiest person since we have been together and that they loved me for taking care of him and being so good to him. That just wasn’t enough to keep him from relapsing. I keep saying :what if I had “. I guess I let my guard down to soon. I will always love him for the person he was and remember how happy he made me until the night the demon “crack ” took him fromm me. On Sept, 19, 2010, the very first time he relapsed and had a massive heart attack. he didn’t make it. We would have been together 3 yrs next month. He had made me so happy, we did almost everything together. He was my best friend, now my happieness has been snatched away from me. He was only 42. I know he’s at peace now. He fought that battle so hard for so long. I think thats why GOD took him from me to keep him from having to fight that demon every day.
The 7 Stages of Crack Cocaine Use | ChosenFast.com says:

October 17, 2010 at 11:59 pm

[...] What You Need To Hear About Crack Cocaine [...]
Sullen says:

December 16, 2010 at 12:25 am

I’ve been using Crack Cocaine for a few months now and it’s really starting to drag me down an ugly misrable path that I know in my heart I don’t want to take! It started a few months ago when me and a friend were using cocaine (her being an “ex” crack user) and she had me take her to her neighborhood carryout store two hrs before they opened claming she really needed ciggarettes..eve after I offered to share mine until they opened she would rather have waited in their parking lot that two hours..The when we got back to her house she showed me the stem and explained to me that it was just for smoking coke and it was easier on her to do it that way. I’m not stupid I knew what it was and what it was for..So I tried it, and for two weeks straight she had us going everywhere trying to find ways to make money, borrow money and of course trying to find more crack in between! It drove me nuts all I wanted to do was go home. Even though the high was nice once it was gone I was done. She was never done until she was completely out of sources and money. Well one night we picked up our dealer to ride around the corner to make our “transaction” and he said he could use me to make runs since I lived two streets over from him..I agreed! And in return he would supply me on the nights I would make runs… At first I cared less if he gave me any or not and it didn’t feel like It had comtrol over me…but now It’s like I wait on the phone calls all night every night, hoping he calls needing a ride..sometimes he calls two or three times a night and sometimes a few days go by.. I swore I’d never spend money on it unless I had a few bucks to throw in on some (prefferably coke only though) with my friend but this past two days I’ve spent a hundred dollars on crack not counting what he’s gave me for running him. I feel like it’s already taken control of me and I hate it more then ever..I’m up all hrs of the night waiting on a hone call that may or may not come through and I’m thinking about money and how much I could spend or have to spend on it.. I want help NOW an don’t know where to turn..I feel lonly and lost without my friends but they are the whole reason I smoke crack, ciggarettes, and snort coke..before them I went to school, the gym, the spa and spent a lot of time with my kids and shopping and stuff..I used to judge people who used coke and crack and whatever else drugs..Now that I’m intheir shoes I pray to god nightly that somehow I get the strenght to quit!
Tina says:

December 16, 2010 at 5:51 pm

I have been married for 12yrs. and I found out about my husbands addition when I was pregnat with my first boy. He had been smoking since he was 17. His g/f 8yrs older than he started him saying, if he wanted to stay there he had to smoke. This is what he says how true it is I don’t know his g/f passed away 6yrs. into their relationship with their unborn child. That has been a problem for him and me since. I met him 2yrs after their death. When I found out the first time he told me he did it to get closer to her. That was very hard for me. He has smoked every 2mths since he has gone 3mths and the bindge ranges from 1-14 days. I tried everything I could possibly try to help him but nothing ever worked. I helped him get through his withdrawls, the sweats, shakes, muscle spasms, pain like he was dying. All I could do was hold him because it was his body fighting itself. This is the worst part of it to see him suffer. He was hurt and collected a very large sum of money in Jan. 2008 and was broke within 3mths. I had left him for 6mths. Feb 2008 – Aug. 2008. It was the worst time ever in my life. He wouldn’t leave me alone I had a restraining order on him and he violated it many times, he went to jail and came out. He still came over and called and wanted me to hear him shoot himself. Long story short it was hell but I gave up tring to keep him away and took him back. He used 2wks later. Every time it’s the same,” I don’t want this anymore, I scared myself lastnight I almost died, I’m done., I wish I would have died, I can’t believe I did this why dosen’t God help me to stop, I don’t know why I left, I’m sorry, “and much more. I can tell him what he will say before he says it, it’s an endless routine and he dosen’t see it. I’m at a crossroad in my life and I’m very scared not only for my children and myself, how am I going to keep him away and not let my boys see him like that?, but for him as well, will the next hit kill him? I know I can’t change him and I’m affraid he will not stop. Every time he goes out I’m worried and stressed that he will not come home because he is down a gravel road in the middle of nowhere and no one will find him. Or some dealer will shoot him and burn his body. I’m helpless when it comes to his addition the only comfort is that I leave him in God’s hands. For all of you guys who want to know what to do for your b/f or g/f even sibling or child don’t give them money, if they say they need food buy it for them, if they say they need gas put it for them. I know it’s hard but it’s the only way, I’m sorry. If you are in a new relationship and just found out get out before it’s too late because they pull you in and feed off of your love & pitty for them. And for those of you who use Stop and get help PLEASE for your sake and your families. May God Bless You All
brokenhearted says:

December 17, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Losing the man I love to addiction has been the most unimaginably horrible, painful thing. I’m still in love with the man I met, but he has disappeared. If this was a normal relationship and we’d broken up, I could eventually get over it and move on. But we’re not broken up, he’s just lost in his addiction. How do I get over that?

He still says, “I love you, I want to be with you,” but he’s not here for me emotionally at all, and most of the time, I don’t see him or hear from him because he’s drinking and drugging. I can’t imagine a future with a man who can’t keep a job or a car or anything else because of addiction. (If you’ve ever been in a relationship with an addict, you know all about what comes with that.)

It’s as if the person I fell in love with is dead. He’s just gone. But it’s worse, really. If he actually had died (God forbid), I would at least be able to mourn that loss. Now, there’s this person walking around with his body, his face, his voice — but it’s not him! How do I handle that? It’s killing me. I constantly miss the man I fell in love with, and I look to who he is now for comfort, but even though it’s the same arms and the same voice, it’s not the same man, and there’s no comfort there. And that just hurts so much that I don’t know how I survive it.

I’m torn between, “The man I fell in love with is gone — he’s never coming back”, and “As long as his body is still breathing, the man I love is still in there somewhere, and he can get better and come back.” It’s hard to have hope. I believe in God; I’m a praying Christian. But I also know how chronic addiction damages the body and the brain. I’m torn between hope and reality. Hope has won so far, because I’m still with him — if you can call where we are now “together”. He does.

I can’t see a future for us, beyond the way it is now, which is no life at all. But I can’t see a way out either. I’ve tried Al-Anon, therapy, prayer. He’s tried AA, NA, multiple rehabs, prayer, therapy, medication and more. Still, we’re back to the same place: I can’t stop loving him. And he can’t stop getting high.

I love him. And by that, I mean that I love the man I fell in love with. I don’t want anyone else. He may never be back. But I guess I’ll still be here waiting. I’m not going to leave the person he is today. It’s the closest thing I have to him. And there’s nowhere else to go. My heart is broken.
Sullen says:

December 21, 2010 at 8:53 pm

I’ve cut off all connections to my friend who’s a heavy user..And my car used for driving her/our dealer around is broken down and not getting fixed any time soon..I think that’s a sign that this is all going to end for me now. GOOD! I know myself and that’s not me.. I’ve always been a strong person but now I question myself and ask am I strong enough to fight this demond? And then I see my children and say yes, yes I am strong enough to fight it..I’d do anything for my kids! I turn the cell phone off I ignore the doorbell and handed over all cash and cards…I distract myself with housework, crafts, video games and internet. I throw out all the evidence and paraphernalia to avoid thinking of it!..The hardest thing I’ve ever done is force myself to take control again..But it’s just the begining and there is a long road ahead of me..One more year and I’ll be in a new City and State with a new start..but first I have to get my life back before that day never comes for me and my family! I can and will do this! A stubborn person who’s never listen to another persons advice a day in her life can only help herself but has to want to..I’ve always done what I wanted to do…I get angry when people tell me what to do..but for once in my life all I want is for someone to do something, help me, advise me, fix me..just tell me what to do…..and that’s when everyone turns their backs on me, judges me and gets angry with me…it’s up to me now and I can do this with or without them! Like with everything else in my life I want to prove them wrong!!!
Madison says:

October 26, 2011 at 10:20 am

my husband has done crack. I have caught him numerous times. I have asked that if he is going to do this, at least bring it home so I am not worried sick. Is there such a thing a a recreational crack user?
eric says:

December 17, 2011 at 3:48 am

ive been with my girlfriend 8 months. when i met her she was 22 and i knew she had been addicted to crack and heroine. she had been clean for over 2 years when i met her. we had a great relationship and i really started to love her and she loved me. she ended up meeting this girl that was a gf of one of my friends that was a crackhead. so as i speak she has smoking crack for 5 weeks until i caught her. i told her she had to go and she tried commiting suicide because she didnt want me to leave her. i had to take her to the emergency room to get her stomach pumped. the thing that is most troubling to me is that she said when she went to pick up crack one day from her dealers house, he manipulated her into coming inside and ending up raping her….that is what she said…..of course i asked why she didnt go to cops or anything and she said bcuz she didnt have anyone else to get crack from……. hopefully someone can give me advice on handling this situation, of hopefully this story will help som1 else
A Word To The Wise says:

January 28, 2012 at 7:18 am

This is a reply to eric Dec. 2011…… Hope its not too late. If you read Steves story you can see what women will do for crack and heroin. You are young and she is young, she was clean as far as you know…….This may be a battle lost, a setback, the war is not over. She should try again and not give up on this setback as many do. However you cannot hitch your wagon to an addic they have to quit, you can only support the person when they do and encourage them if they dont.
anonymous says:

May 11, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Hi, im afraid that my parents are doing cocaine. I know that my aunt , & grandma are drug dealers. Sadly I think my mom and dad do it behind my back. I’ve suspected this because my mom buys my grandmas pills from her and her and my father drink about 3 beers each every night. They always get paid but by the end of the week there money is all gone. They say and debt to me that they don’t use it but im scared. I’m hurt by it. My mom won’t eat until all three of her beers are gone and neither will my father my mother and father take Tylenol p.m and im wondering if this helps put them to sleep while they are on cocaine.
anonymous says:

May 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm

By the way im 13.

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