I’m trying to better understand addiction and how to be a friend to my friends in recovery — how to help without hurting or enabling. This morning before church, I had breakfast with a friend who’s battling addiction, primarily to crack cocaine. I asked questions and wrote notes while we talked:

What helps you not use?

“God. Prayer. Church.”

What can Christians say to you that will help you in your recovery? Like, when you relapse? What can we say that would help you the most then?

“What Marshall and Diane always say to me. That I’m still beautiful to God. That He still loves me. That Jesus was tempted, too. What you say to me about when I fall off the bike, I have to get right back on it and ride.”

When people talk to you and pray for you and the focus is on you being a sinner, and they ask, “If you died tonight, would you go to heaven or hell?,” how does that make you feel?

“Disapproved of. Looked down on. Judged. You figure, oh well, I’m already going to hell, I might as well keep using.”

What else helps you to not use?

“Quality time instead of idle time. Having something useful to do. Volunteering. Doing needle point. If I’m working on cross stitch, I’ll go hours without even smoking a cigarette.”

What else do you have to do to not use?

“Learn how to make different choices in my thinking and my responses.”

Who has helped you learn to do that?

“My (12-step) sponsor and my psychiatrist.”

Have 12-step meetings helped you?

“The one good thing about meetings is that I found a sponsor there. But I can sit around and talk about drinking and drugging in my own room.”

Is talking about your addiction at a meeting a trigger for you? Does it make you want to use?

“Oh, yeah. You start reliving the glory days. I been doing it for 35 years. Must be something good about it.”

I thought of that last statement later as we sat in a Bible study class. Another of our friends talked about how he once used drinking and drugs to numb the pain of his child’s death. Alcohol and drugs decrease pain and increase pleasure. But only for a while. The Bible study was about how God can use our times of pain and suffering to draw us close to Him and mature our faith:

“… we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” — Romans 5:3-4

Drinking and drugging is a way to escape suffering. But that means we lose out on perseverance, character… and hope.

During the worship service, the pastor said:

“Being a Christian is not about being perfect. It’s about being perfected. It’s not about being grown. It’s about growing.”

With a huge smile, my recovering friend leaned over and whispered to me:

“I’m growing! Yay!”

Me, too. Amen! :)

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