image credit: Steve Wampler

image credit: Steve Wampler

There’s a phrase I hear a lot when people talk to addicts and alcoholics in recovery: “You have to change your playground.” That means leaving behind the people and the places associated with your drinking and drugging. Makes sense. But until I saw it happening to friends, I didn’t realize that leaving the playground is about more than being tempted by your old life — it’s about getting away from people who are still in active addiction and who try to get you back there, too.

But why? They know how bad addiction is. They know first-hand how it destroys your life. Shouldn’t they be happy for you that you’re getting out — escaping the destruction? Shouldn’t they be cheering you on and seeing you as a symbol of hope for their own eventual recovery? I guess that’s what I always assumed. Apparently, I was naïve. And wrong.

I’ve watched over the past few years as friends around me have worked to get clean and sober, and I’ve seen how people I thought were their friends have sabotaged those efforts — coming to their house with drugs and alcohol, or talking about drinking and drugging and asking about where to get some (”putting a bug in your ear”). I’ve learned that there’s a huge difference between friends and drinking and using buddies — who aren’t your friends at all. (Someone who doesn’t actually drink or use with you, but who somehow enables or facilitates your addiction isn’t your friend, either. Know it.)

So why do people in active addiction sabotage the efforts of those in recovery? I asked some recovering friends for their perspectives:

“If you have paid before [for their drugs or alcohol] they think you might pay again. If they see that you’re serious, they’ll eventually leave you alone.”

“If you get in recovery but decide to drink or use, they won’t say, ‘Are you sure?’ Its not like somebody in the program [AA or NA] who’ll sit down and talk to you when you’re having these thoughts.”

“It all goes back to me… If you hang around the barbershop long enough, you’re gonna get a hair cut.  What reason do I have to hang around my old using buddies? They’ll get you drunk before you get them sober.”

“Ain’t none of this, ‘I’m gonna sit around and watch you drink your beer or smoke your crack.’ Because I know what’s gonna happen. Eventually I’ll think I can have one. Just one. That’s the biggest lie.  That’s the disease of alcoholism talking to you. It’ll lie and tell you one beer is ok. But when you drink that one beer you’re gonna go get another one…”

“You’ll find out that they really weren’t your friends.”

Indeed. So find a new playground. With new friends. This is a good place to start.

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